Offer your heart
by Soccerandart928
Summary: Hey guys : This is the story of Lupin and Tonks. I was disappointed with their ending:  So I had to right something! I don't own the Harry potter world, J.K. Rowling does
1. Chapter 1

The hall of Number 12 Grimmauld Place was dim and dark. Tonks looked around rather apprehensively. She wasn't stupid. She knew Voldemort had returned; that wasn't something to lie about. But this seemed an odd place for the resistance to form, with a dark air to it: house-elf heads on the walls, and Slytherin marks everywhere. Mad-eye poked her impatiently n the back.

"C'mon, nothing to be scared of…don't you trust us Dora? And don't store your wand there, I've told you before, wizards lose buttocks," he added sharply, looking down at her back pockets. She rolled her eyes at him. At least she wasn't alone on her way to the first meeting. Then she tripped over a troll's leg that had been standing innocently a few feet into the hall. Mad-eye just smiled and passed on toward the basement. She grimaced.

"Thanks Mad-eye!" She struggled to stand up, and then heard the sound of footsteps coming quickly down the stairs. She looked up.

Remus Lupin barely saw her in time. He lost his balance as he skidded to a stop at the foot of the stairs and fell across Tonks. She smiled. He was as clumsy as she was.

Embarrassed, Remus struggled to get up, and then looked at the woman he'd landed on. She was beautiful! "Oh...I'm s-sorry. I didn't realize; I didn't see you there."

She laughed. "It's all right. I'm used to it." He was very handsome. He finally stood up and held out his hand to her. She took it, feeling as if she was falling again.

He tried to ignore the way she was looking at him. Her dark eyes were overwhelming. "Shall we go down to the meeting together?" He started walking, unnerved. No one had looked at him that way since he was fourteen, and he didn't like to remember the outcome of that. Stupid (?). She watched him open the door to the basement, nodded in answer to his question then followed, still dazed.

*/*/*

Tonks was amazed. She hadn't been sure what signing up for the Order would mean, but the meeting had managed to abate some of her fears. They weren't unprepared, but rather seemed to know more than they should. Tonks had been told to keep watch over Harry Potter during the holidays, in shifts with Mundugus Fletcher, Arabella Figg, and Sturgis Podmore. She was slightly disappointed Remus wouldn't be helping her out. She had hardly listened to some parts of the meeting, being too busy staring at his gorgeous deep green eyes. And interestingly enough, she could see some of the feelings being returned when she felt him staring. Lupin was frustrated with himself for that. He didn't want to be any more involved with Tonks than he would have to be in this kind of situation. It was dangerous. He wasn't fit to be with anyone, it wouldn't be fair to them. But somehow he got the feeling that Tonks wouldn't care. As young as Remus had noticed she was, she was smart, and clever. And as far as he could tell, she had already fallen in love with him past the point of no return.

"Hey Moony," Sirius said, clapping Lupin on the back. "So what did you think?" He came out of his reverie and shook his head.

"It feels wrong, like we're stepping back in time. I just don't want it to happen all over again." He sighed.

Sirius nodded. He knew how Remus felt. "I know, but we just have to hope it'll be different this time. Voldemort doesn't know we know. It's safer. We're far better prepared. And by the way," he winked. "What did you think of my cousin?" Sirius left the kitchen, leaving Remus completely bemused. How could he possibly know?


	2. Chapter 2: Just admit it!

Over the course of the summer, Tonks determinedly made friends with Lupin. They got along perfectly, and she could always make him laugh no matter what. Even though they weren't working on the same things for the Order, they were both still in it and made the most of the time they could spend together. Lupin tried to resist her affections, but decided to take them in the friendliest way he could. But Sirius noticed, oh yes. He knew Moony and he knew what he thought of his own worth. He hoped Tonks could at the very least try to make him see past his own doubt. She did too. He was so much more than he thought. Then during one meeting in late July, an opportunity arose for them to become closer; a mission together.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and the usual pre-meeting chatter faded away. "Good evening to all of you. I have decided that the time has come to safely remove Harry from the home of his guardians. But the boy will need a guard to make sure he is well protected. Any volunteers?"

Tired faces faded away, and everyone seemed instantly awake. This was an unexpected excitement! Immediately Tonks shot her hand up in the air, desperate to have something to do. Sirius, Hestia Jones, Emmeline Vance, Dedalus Diggle, Elphias Doge, Sturgis Podmore, Kingsley, Mad-eye, and Lupin, to her delight, all followed suit.

Dumbledore shot Sirius an odd look. Tonks couldn't understand, but Lupin did perfectly. Sirius was a wanted man. He couldn't be seen outside of Grimmauld Place; it was too dangerous. Sirius glared in return. "Well Dumbledore, who's going to be going to get my godson," He emphasized the last word. Lupin shot Sirius a warning look. Tonks watched him look at Sirius.

"Sirius, you have already heard my warning." He turned away from Sirius and continued. "Those of you who will be going to take Harry from Privet Drive will be Hestia, Elphias, Emmeline, Dedalus, Sturgis, Kingsley, Alastor of course, Remus, and young Tonks you would do just fine." He smiled and nodded as he said each person's name. Sirius, who had been leaning back, let his chair crash to the floor and left the room, leaving an angry silence behind him. Tonks rolled her eyes. She understood he was angry, but there was no point in his outbursts. She looked across the table at Lupin, who was staring at the door Sirius had gone through with a troubled expression. She smiled to herself. At least they would be going on this mission together.

As the group continued to discuss the plans for Harry's evacuation, Tonks thoughts strayed to Harry himself. She had never had a long attention span anyway.

Tonks knew his name of course; who wouldn't? But she wondered what he would be like, growing up in a muggle house, when he belonged almost anywhere else. It would be very interesting to meet the Boy Who Lived.

"Tonks, what do you think?" Lupin asked, staring at her intensely. She looked confused so he elaborated. "Should we take Harry by broom, Apparation, or Portkey?"

She sighed. Was it that important? "Well I've heard he's supposed to be a good flyer. Let's take brooms to see if it's true!" Remus held in a laugh. She always had to have things proven to her, like last week when she didn't believe that Kreacher knew a particularly foul swear word and they ended up having to getting Sirius to summon him after looking around the house for an hour to see if it was true.

"All right, then I believe the majority is right. and you should take Harry here by broom. I think that brings this meeting to an end." Dumbledore stood up, nodded to the group and left.

Everyone began to stand up and stretch and Tonks hurried around the table toward Remus, knocking over three chairs and an empty bottle as she went.

"Hi," she said brightly, scooting her chair closer to him.

He smiled. "Hello Dora, it's nice to see you." Then, reminding himself that he didn't like Tonks, he subtly scooted his chair away. Tonks had noticed, but she had also noticed that he had called her Dora. She was pleasantly surprised. That was the first time he'd called her that.

"And you Remus. I was wondering something…do you ever just feel the urge to just jump off the top of a building?" She laughed because she knew it was insane but she wanted to hear his answer.

He raised an eyebrow and pretended to think it over. "Well...I'm pretty sure I've never…nope I don't think so." He smiled. She was crazy.

She laughed again. "Just a question Remus, but I have to say, I always did think you weren't much of a risk taker." She stuck her tongue out.

He pretended to be offended. "Well we'll just have to try it sometime then won't we?" He laughed at the pure insanity of the idea. She started to reply when Ginny showed up at her side.

"Hello Professor Lupin, hey Tonks do you want to help Hermione and me upstairs for a moment?"

Lupin looked disappointed, like he was missing out on something big. In a way Tonks did too, but she winked at Ginny, and said "Sure. Bye Remus, I'll see you on the roof." Then the woman of his dreamed bounced away, leaving behind some of her high spirits. Lupin smiled.


	3. Chapter 3: A Watching Werewolf

Tonks grew close to the Weasleys and Harry Potter as summer began to fade into autumn. Hermione and Ginny were hilarious and Fred and George were a lot of fun to play pranks with…not that she did that.

Harry had really surprised her. Not all caught up in the whole "I'm famous! I survived You-Know-Who" thing, he was modest and funny. She could tell he thought she was kind of annoying, but not that much and he never mentioned it so she didn't mind.

When Ron and Hermione were made prefects, Lupin and she got yet another chance to talk. They hadn't really spoken since the night they had brought Harry to Grimmauld Place.

Lupin found himself sitting across from Tonks in the kitchen. "Hello Tonks." He seemed Ill, but still managed to summon up a warm smile for her.

She smiled back, but was worried. He never seemed fully well. "Hi Remus. Can I ask you something? Do you...are you...uhm...sick with anything? You never seem...well..." She gave up. She didn't know how to phrase it.

He mirrored her puzzled expression. "Hasn't…hasn't anyone told you yet?"

She shook her head. "Well," Remus really really didn't want to tell her. "…I'm never quite well. Especially at…full moon." He let it sink in.

Tonks' mouth dropped open. "Oh…I had no idea." Then she was angry. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Lupin looked as if he was going to answer, then bowed his head and turned away. The answer was obvious. He was ashamed.

It explained a lot to Tonks though and it made her think. She wondered why, a whole lot of whys. Why was she the last to know about his lycanthropy? Why was he so concerned about her knowing or not? Was this the reason he'd turned away her affections? It explained so much...and yet nothing. Without knowing quite what she was doing she got up from the table and walked upstairs, her then red hair swinging behind her, leaving Lupin alone with his head in his hands.

*/*/*

He paced his room all night, practically tearing his hair out in frustration. Why did he have to tell her? He could have left her alone, free to dream, she never forced him to speak! He sighed. No, it would have left him free to dream. He sat down dejectedly on his bed. She was free now though; to go after someone else. Someone who she truly deserved. Lupin didn't know where that left him though. _Yes you do, _the voice deep inside his head said. _It leaves you where you always are; alone. _The word echoed around him…alone, Alone, Alone.

He threw himself face down on his bed, fully clothed, and tried to sleep. But Lupin knew he wouldn't be able to. Not with so much on his mind. Although if you thought about it, it was really only one thing. Love was overrated, that was all he could say.

The clock read 2:48 AM. He was screwed for guard duty the next morning. And he didn't even care. Sighing, Remus stood up and walked over to the door. If he couldn't stop thinking about her, maybe leaning towards the other side of reason would help him get to sleep. Walking quietly and cautiously, he went across the hall to Tonk's room.

"Alohomora," he whispered the charm to unlock the door and slowly turned the knob. He was struck by how…peaceful her room seemed. Feeling as if he was interrupting a church sermon, he crept into the room. There she was, asleep, a smile on her pretty face. He just kept staring; taking her in. _Wow,_ he thought. He didn't have any idea that people could look so angelic just sleeping.

Tonks moved, making him jump. But she just rolled onto her other side. After continuing to watch her awhile, it made Lupin realize how tired he was. Sighing again, but contentedly this time, he backed slowly out of the room and into his own, where he collapsed, exhausted on his bed. His dreams made him glad Snape wasn't around too often.

*/*/*

Tonks woke up far too early that morning, feeling off, but not sure why. Then she remembered; Lupin, a werewolf. She decided she would keep her distance for a while and let him figure out whether it mattered to him enough to keep them apart. But she decided that she didn't care. He didn't have any trace in his personality that suggested he was true to the stereotypical one of werewolves. Mostly she was just curious about what it was like for him. And who had bitten Remus as a child; but she would have felt rude asking. Hmm…maybe she could ask Harry or one of the Weasley's…

Standing up to dress, Tonks noticed her door was open. It brought back one of her dreams from the night…a…somebody had been watching her sleep in the doorway, their, _no it had definitely been a he, _she reminded herself, his silhouette outlined in the hall light. She hadn't minded; it had been a nice dream.

Wait, had it been a dream? She thought harder. No! Lupin…Remus Lupin had been watching her sleep. Did he really care that much?

"Ha ha," she laughed to herself triumphantly. From now on she would leave her door unlocked.

Tonks practically floated down to the kitchen, such a daydream that she was in. To her delight, Lupin was the only one there.

She knocked over a candle that was just getting to the bottom of its wick. Quickly setting it upright again she sat down next to him. He looked very tired.

"Hello Remus," she said far too cheerily, in his opinion, for this early in the morning. He studied her. She seemed even more bubbly then usual and it made him suspicious.

"Hi, Dora…sleep well?" Lupin stared at his toast guiltily.

Tonks rejoiced silently. _Ha, as if you don't know._ "Fine, thanks. And you? No offense but you look awful." She giggled.

He laughed with her. "I probably do." _Lupin, snap out of it! You don't like her, remember? _His mind warned him. But his heart wasn't caring.

"Why do you say that?" She tried to look innocent but she probably failed.

He gave her an odd look. " Oh nothing, just that I couldn't get to sleep last night."

She tried not to smile. He was practically confessing right now! "Oh really? I think I heard footsteps during the night, but I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just having weird dreams."

"F-footsteps? Really? When did you hear them?" He waited nervously for an answer. "When last night? Really late? Dora? When?"

But Tonks just got up and started rummaging around in the cupboards for her breakfast, a little smile playing on her lips.


	4. Chapter 4: Dreaming

He was sitting in his apartment. Then Tonks showed up; thank God, he'd been wondering where she was at. Worried he starts to ask but then is struck by her beauty. It has never hit him like this before. The dark sparkling eyes, framed by her pale, heart-shaped face, and her smile…wow! It lit up the whole room, her dimple showing. Her original pink spiky hair was just the way he liked it. He loves her so much. But as he's taking her in she speaks the words that he never wanted to hear..Not even from her. "I'm pregnant."

Lupin bolted upright in his bed at Grimmauld Place, his sheets soaked with cold sweat.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That couldn't happen. It was like his conscience was warning him. But now he knew for sure. No matter how beautiful she was, he couldn't risk it. No matter how perfect they were together, no matter if she didn't care that he was a werewolf, no matter if she loved him…

He shook his head. He barely knew Tonks! He'd only met her in June…that wasn't even five months! He couldn't keep this up. She knew about his condition; she knew he was dangerous! So why did she keep staring at him during meetings? Why would she seek him out at odd times simply just to talk? _But why Remus, _asked that sly voice inside his head, _do you sneak into her room just to watch her sleep? Why do you return the stares and the friendly conversations? _ He shut out the voice. He couldn't stand it. There was no clear solution. He'd have to ask Sirius what to do.

"So what? You love her and she loves you that much is obvious to all of us Moony, so what's the problem?" That was all Sirius had to say after Remus had explained his predicament the following morning.

Lupin's mouth dropped open. "That's it? But what about me? Padfoot, come on help! How can I make her see that it won't work out? It can't."

Sirius, for once, actually looked his name. "But mate, why not?"

Remus wished he'd had an answer ready but he had already used up all his arguments. He just shook his head, defeated.

Sirius pretended to think. "Well maybe…you could just give her a chance. A test run, you know. See if you two will really work together. Which, um, you will!" He smiled, but not unkindly. Unable to help it, Remus smiled back, then left the drawing room to go find Tonks.

Tonks was in her room, as frustrated as Remus, but more with him than herself. For five months straight she had been getting to know him; being friendly and kind. Not that that was an act just that she'd been so determined doing it with him, ever since the day they crashed landed at the foot of the stairs. It had been fate, why couldn't he just accept it?

She paced back and forth, thinking. How could she make him see that they were meant for each other? Kiss him? Too forward. Hug him? Too shy. Send him a letter? No! _Ok, going nowhere, _that annoyingly honest voice said inside her head. _Just tell him how you feel. Be honest and ask him some personal questions; try to get closer to him that way._ Tonks agreed with herself. That was a good idea. And then she didn't need to throw herself at him just to get him to notice her. But honestly, that option had never sounded that great in the first place.

Just as she placed her hand on the doorknob, someone knocked. Surprised, she opened the door almost too quickly to be plausible and Remus Lupin, with his hand still held as if he was knocking, stumbled into the room.

They stared at each other. In the last month, each person's affections had become clearer to the other and they hadn't known how to act around one another.

"Hi, Remus. Um, come in won't you?" She stepped aside as he walked farther into the small bedroom, taking it in as if he'd never entered before, although they both knew he had. The room held only a bed, small wardrobe, window, table, and mirror."So, is there a reason you came up here?" She sat down on her bed and looked inquiringly at him.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, yes, I suppose there is. Dora, do you think we could just talk?"

Her shoulders, which she hadn't noticed had been tense, relaxed. She smiled. "Of course, I like just talking. It's great for getting to know people. As a matter of fact…" she wasn't sure if she should even be asking, because no one else knew, but she continued anyone. "I wanted to ask you something. It's kind of personal."

Remus's eyes searched her face. He wondered how to answer to that. Finally he just answered with the oh-so-witty, "Like what?"

Tonks smiled , albeit nervously. "I don't know, I guess like about you? What's something you haven't ever told me?"

"Hmm," It occurred to Lupin that the list of those things might be far too long. He'd start shallow. "How about this? A thought for a thought. I'll tell you something, and you tell me something."

She nodded and held out her hand. "Deal, but you start!"

He laughed and shook it, then began. "My middle name is…"

"Oh, please say Merdoff!"

He smiled. "Sorry to disappoint you, but no. It's John."

"Remus John Lupin…I like that. Ok my turn. My middle name is…"

"Merdoff?" He asked hopefully.

"No!" But she laughed as she said it. "It's Cassi."

"Huh. Nymphadora Cassi Tonks. Interesting. But I have to tell you I've always liked your first name." Now he laughed as she stuck out her tongue at him like a child. It was rather endearing. "Let's see…my favorite color is blue."

"Why?" She asked immediately.

"I'm not sure…because it's calm, and deep, and can take my mind off the moon, or whatever is bothering me sometimes."

She was touched that he would explain so fully like that. She stared at him kindly. He stared back for just a second too long. "So…your turn."

This went on for almost a full hour, with Remus learning the strangest ends and odds of Tonks personality. Her boggart was an empty life with no happiness or uniqueness, she hated her father's father, as he had once told her that dying her hair pink made her look like a tramp. She loved music and dancing around, never wanted to lose her job, couldn't do a household spell to save her life, had grown up learning about Muggle things like TV's and lamps, and loved dogs. She had told the last one rather pointedly.

Tonks had hoped her contribution to his knowledge had been enough. She had learned quite a lot, though not quite what she wanted to know. His mother's name was Margaret, he loved to read more than almost anything else in the world, he missed his school friends deeply, except Pettigrew of course. He couldn't whistle, had taken advice from Sirius to get his first girlfriend, and had afterward vowed never to ask him for help on girls ever again. At this, Lupin reflected that he hadn't exactly kept that promise.

He didn't know nearly anything about the Muggle world, and Tonks offered to teach him, which he smiled at. And last but not least…

"I was…bitten when I was only six years old."

Tonks was shocked, but quickly recovered to find the good in the situation. "I'm sorry. But at least you had time to…adapt to the condition."

He nodded slowly. "That is true. And Dumbledore did all he could for me when I was at Hogwarts."

"Who was it?" The question had burst from Tonks mouth before she could help herself. "Sorry," she muttered. "You don't have to answer."

He liked that she showed concern in whether or not she'd offended him. It meant a lot. "No it's all right. His name is Fenrir Greyback. I always felt sorry for him, thinking he had been helpless when it had happened; an accident."

"Felt?" Tonks couldn't help noticing the past tense, paying the acute attention that she was.

"Fenrir is perhaps a unique, savage example of what you could make of your life as a werewolf. He plans his attacks. He says to bite children, and raise them away to live with their proper kind. I don't think I shall ever want to encounter such a disgusting vile creature in my life." Lupin said that with more anger in his voice than Tonks had ever heard.

"He sounds absolutely ridiculous. Their proper kind? You're still a wizard, a bloody good one at that, and only different every thirty days."

He smiled, glad she saw that way. "Thank you Dora, but I'm afraid not many people accept, er, my kind. It's difficult."

She smiled softly and leaned toward him. "It isn't for me. You're a werewolf, yes, but I couldn't care less. And frankly," she winked. "I think you're _my _kind."

He was startled. She was leaning in far too close. Sirius, listening at the door, muttered under his breath. "Damn it Moony, just kiss her." Then, too exasperated with his friend to continue eavesdropping, he stalked off to Buckbeak's room.

"Tonks…" but she was right there, and he really wanted to be her kind too. She was so perfect…her eyes were very pretty.

She kept leaning. She only wanted one kiss. She needed one kiss.

"Remus," she whispered. He gave in, and as their lips touched, all his doubts left, and a little fire lit up in both of them.


	5. Chapter 5: Oh Moony

It took Lupin a while to surface. The kiss just went on and on, an unbroken thread of love. He didn't want to stop it. He hadn't felt like this in so long and she was returning the feelings in equal, if not more, measure.

Tonks was in heaven. Finally! All she needed was his lips on hers, their bodies touching. That was the only thing on her mind, to never end the kiss.

Basically they were snogging for about fifteen minutes on Tonks' bed before Remus woke up. He pulled away quickly, shaking his head.

"No...I can't…" he edged towards the door, shaking his head, elated and terrified about what had just happened. "Tonks…no. I'm sorry."

He turned around, seized the door handle and quickly left the room, leaving Tonks confused, but happy. She had Remus Lupin. She smiled to herself. No matter what he said, he could and he would.

Lupin looked up and down the hallway, then jumped into the air and pumped his fist triumphantly. He'd kissed someone! And not just anyone, but the most beautiful girl he'd ever met, Nymphadora Cassi Tonks. He skipped downstairs to the drawing room, to sit and relieve those wonderful fifteen minutes. Then, as he replayed his thoughts in his head, he stopped dead on the landing of the third floor.

_Girl…_Wait. He'd overlooked it because she hadn't seemed it, but Tonks was…young. Extremely young. Just another strike against them. He sat down on the last stair and stared glumly. Nothing would ever be right. She was twenty-something, he was thirty-five. She deserved the best the world could offer, and he was at the bottom of society, barely above the surface, kept from drowning by Dumbledore and the Order. And…God it seemed so stupid now. And despite it all, he'd kissed her. Remus couldn't help but smile vaguely. The taste of her kiss was still on his lips.

Stupid Sirius.

*/*/*

Tonks walked down to the kitchen for lunch, and almost tripped onto the landing due to the fact that Lupin was sitting on the last step. She grabbed the banister to balance herself in time, but it didn't matter because at that moment he decided to stand up, turn around, and head back upstairs. He walked right into her and before either of them knew what was happening, they had fallen on to the stairs with Lupin on top of Tonks.

And of course Sirius happened to be walking downstairs. He just laughed, winked at Moony, and continued on, saying to himself "See? Nothing to it."

Lupin glared at Sirius's back, and then pulled himself up as quickly as possible. He held out his hand to Tonks, and felt the static when she took it.

They stared at each other for a moment, but then Tonks couldn't help herself. She burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, but that just keeps happening to us doesn't it? It's the stairs fault." She looked down and realized they were still holding hands. She didn't mind at all. She started down the hallway, dragging Remus with her. He found his heart, again, not caring.

They walked down the next set of stairs together, hands still being held. She wanted to ask him a question that had just occurred to her, but wasn't sure if she should. However, being the inquisitive person that she was, she decided to ask anyway. "Hey, Remus," she said, looking up at him. "How old are you?"

Lupin sighed. He wished he'd asked her first. "I'm…older than you."

She smiled. "I realize that. Fine I'll tell you then you tell me. I'm twenty-two."

He tried not to look shocked. But he felt terrible. "Oh. I'm thirty…-five."

She actually looked relieved. "What?" he asked. "You thought I was older?"

Tonks nodded guiltily. "But I could tell, underneath how tired you are, and the grayish hair, which is just part of being a werewolf right?"

They had reached the door to the kitchen. Simultaneously the two let go of each other's hands. "Yes, werewolves do tend to age earlier than average. But still…thirteen years…" He let it hang in the air, hoping she was at least considering how weird that felt to him. He walked downstairs, with her following obliviously behind. Thirteen years…Tonks did not care. Because he loved her, they'd kissed and they were meant to be together. She just wished…she wished that he could see it too.

During dinner, it was all awkward moments when they would catch each other staring, or grab for the salt at the same time. Tonks couldn't help blushing, and Remus kept clearing his throat. Sirius watched them with a smirk on his face, and he noticed that Molly was watching them too. She looked as frustrated as he felt whenever Lupin cleared his throat awkwardly, or couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes. And when Sirius looked around, he saw that he wasn't the only one observing the pair. _So, _he thought to himself, _everyone knows that Moony's in love…Except Moony. _


	6. Chapter 6: Molly Steps In

A week had passed. Tonks sighed and sat down on the floor of her nearly empty room. In three days she would be moving back in with her parents. She didn't want it to be that way, for more than one reason, but Auror work was calling. She was frustrated at the Ministry, but there was nothing to do as long as she still wanted a job. Fudge refused to believe Voldemort was back, so their efforts were being wasted searching for information on Sirius. Tonks couldn't believe how ironic it was. And they were also just finishing a background search on Sturgis, who had been arrested last month. She hated the Ministry. Or at least she hated Fudge. But Tonks knew she couldn't risk anything by losing her job. Plus things were getting worse at Hogwarts. That horrible Umbridge woman and her Educational degrees at the school made Tonks feel sorry for anyone attending. As soon as the truth came out, then things would change. Right?

"Tergeo," Tonks spoke to a pair of dirty jeans lying in the corner, waving her wand. About half the dirt cleared away. But she had never been any good at household spells. She waved her wand again, and her jeans made their way into an old rucksack. _Finally, done, _she thought to herself. Not that she was exactly overjoyed about it.

Downstairs Sirius was watching Lupin through a slit in the open door to the living room. He was pacing, and Sirius could tell he was thinking of someone special. He smirked. It was entertaining to watch.

Remus was indeed thinking about Tonks. He was in a silent rant, walking the length of the room and back again, making wild hand gestures, mouthing swear words, and wondering what to do. It had been a week, and they'd spoken no more than "Hello" and "Good-bye" to each other. Maybe he should just come clean and tell her it wouldn't work out. But then again he still wanted to be friends with her. _Yeah right, _his conscience sneered. _You want to be so much more than just friends, and she knows it._ Lupin ignored Jiminy Cricket and continued pacing. He wished there was someone reliable he could talk to. Sirius? Lupin laughed to himself. No. No way was he saying Tonks's name within ten feet of Sirius ever again. Then it hit him: Molly! She would surely understand. He left the living room resolutely, and Sirius quickly hid in a niche between the two doors.

*/*/*

"Oh Tonks…I can't say I know how you feel referring to Arthur, but I know what it's like to have someone who I'm in love with reject a relationship because they were trying to protect me." Mrs. Weasley gently patted Tonks hand across the table.

Tonks smiled. She was glad Molly understood. "So what do you think I should do? I'm going home in three days."

Molly thought for a moment, then stood up, getting them tea she had just fixed. "I know! You can come to the Burrow for Christmas, dear. I'll invite Remus and you two can work things out there. The atmosphere will certainly help." She smiled and sipped her tea.

Tonks nodded. always had the solutions. "I think that's a great idea Molly. But the goodbye's until then…should I say we're just friends? Or…?"

"Hmm…Well I think its best that you just say what you feel and do something that will make sure he won't forget you. Then, at Christmas, he'll have been thinking about you for two months, and he'll be missing you. So you can win him over there." She gave Tonks a wink.

Tonks laughed. "I guess I'll try that." She stood up, knocking the chair next to her over. Molly smiled, shaking her head at how clumsy Tonks was. Tonks just smiled sheepishly, thanked Molly and left the kitchen.

Lupin was just coming down the stairs when the door at the bottom opened. He stopped, wary. He'd fallen too many times on stairs in this place. Tonks appeared in the doorway. Their eyes met for a moment then Remus continued down the stairs and Tonks up them. As they passed each other, their shoulders touched. Tonks smiled. "Hello Remus."

Lupin smiled too, just as he made it to the foot of the stairs. "Hi Dora," he whispered, but she heard him. The stairwell was quiet after all. She laughed, and opened the door to the hall, and Remus opened the door to the kitchen.

Molly had her back to him, probably starting dinner. He cleared his throat. She turned around, smiling her motherly smile, and sat down at the table, gesturing Lupin to do the same. "Hello Remus, how are you? We haven't spoken for a while."

Lupin smiled and briefly shook her hand. "I'm fine, thank you Molly. How are you?"

She smiled again, but it was strained. "I supposed I could be a lot worse, what with so much going on these days." She sighed; looking lost in thought, and then turned her attention to Lupin. "So, did you want to talk to me about something Remus?"

Mrs. Weasley watched him carefully, trying not to laugh. She felt gratified that both he and Tonks had come to her with their troubles, it just seemed a bit funny to her that they both chose to within the same hour.

Lupin cleared his throat again. He didn't know how to phrase it. "Nymphadora…Um, well, I don't know what to do…" He recounted all that had happened between the two of them over the past months, and was surprised when he found himself smiling as he spoke of their encounters on the stairs, and how they had planned to jump off the roof.

Molly listened intently. She could tell just by Lupin's tone that he was in love with Tonks. Every time he said her name, his eyes would light up, and he seemed to be in his own little world. He concluded his predicament by saying "But, Molly, even though I care about her, there's still the fact that I'm dangerous."

shook her head. "Remus, I really hope you realize that you are the only one who thinks that. The rest of us don't think so at all. Especially not Tonks. Someone who truly loves you isn't going to care about those things. And I think you two are truly in love. Maybe you could just give her a chance." She gave him a kind smile.

He smiled dryly back. Why did everyone say to give her a chance? He wanted to, so badly, but there was always that fear in the back of his mind. What if she got hurt? "All right, I suppose I can try. Thank you for listening Molly."

She nodded, wondering if he would take her words to heart. She hoped so. "It's no trouble, Remus. And I think you already knew everything I told you." She laughed a little at Remus's bewildered expression then turned back towards the stove, where dinner was bubbling over in a pot.

Lupin sighed, and opened the door to the stairwell. He supposed he could just tell her the truth. After all…he did really care about her. _Glad to see you're not in denial anymore, _his conscience whispered snidely in his head. He hated his conscience.


	7. Chapter 7: Jealousy

With Christmas came the usual cheeriness, and things seemed to lighten considerably within the Order of the Phoenix. But there was a red stain splattered across the snow when they heard about Arthur Weasley's attack. He was hovering close to death. And the reason they even knew about it, was Harry Potter.

Nobody had realized that simply guarding the prophecy would be so dangerous. There was an urgent meeting on December 23rd to discuss whether they should even continue to guard it, when the possibility of one of them being captured or killed was so real. Even Kingsley and Tonks were there, forgetting about work for once. It was Christmas so oh well. Harry and the Weasley children were taken immediately from Hogwarts into Grimmauld Place.

Sirius was worried, watching Harry's pained face, as they waited for news in the kitchen. His godson didn't have any idea what was happening to him, and Sirius did not want to be the one to tell him. He cared too much about him. Sighing, he drifted into sleep, not waking until Molly came. She delivered the good news that Arthur would indeed live, and thanked Harry profusely for saving him.

Sirius watched happily enough, but wondered whether Umbridge had known. If she said anything to Fudge, then the Ministry would probably expel Harry without a second thought.  
>He sighed. The Ministry really needed to wake up and get their heads out of their butts. After telling Molly that he didn't mind her family staying for Christmas, he left the room.<p>

*/*/*

"You should hear him Sirius! It's the same every time, 'I've got nothing to give you.' Why doesn't he understand?"

"I don't know, because maybe you're the first girl to fall in love with him since our 5th year at Hogwarts?" Sirius responded in a "duh" voice.

"Yeah, so what, does that mean he has short term memory loss?"

Sirius raised his eyebrow. "Short term?"

Tonks blushed. "Are you going to help me or not?"

He shrugged. "Sure, if you want. So, you want Moony to notice you, correct?" She nodded. "And you want him to fall in love with you, right?" She nodded again. "Ok, so that basically translates into you want to make him jealous."

"Sure, Sirius, if that's what you think it means." She laughed and winked.

"Anyway…" Sirius rolled his eyes, than a thoughtful expression crossed his face. "You know…he has a brother."

Tonks raised her eyebrows.

Mad-Eye and Tonks were supposed to escort the Weasley's and Harry to see Arthur on Christmas Eve. The whole time, Tonks couldn't get her mind off what Sirius had said. Was she that shallow to him? Well, she wasn't going to do it. Not unless Lupin didn't say anything to her at Christmas. Then she might…

"Obviously Potter doesn't realize what that means, but if You-know-Who's possessing him then…" Mad-eye was talking to Molly, Arthur and Tonks at 's. Tonks was shocked at Mad-eye's statement.

"Are you sure that's what's going on? If it is…well he told us all he saw it himself. But it couldn't mean that, could it?" Tonks felt bad for Harry. He had never asked for any of this.

Mad-eye however, gave her a pitying look. "Dora, what else does it mean?"

"Quit patronizing me!" She stuck out her tongue at him. Molly and Arthur smiled.

Afterwards, back at Grimmauld Place, Molly beckoned Tonks over to her in the kitchen while no one was around. "Hullo dear. So do you know how you're going to get Remus to fall so in love with you that he doesn't care about anything else?" She smiled.

Tonks smiled back, but looked sheepish. "Well, Sirius says he has a brother…But I only want to make him jealous not hurt him!"

"Ah, yes, that might be going a little too far, but then again, it is Sirius." Molly sighed. "Well, it's worth a shot, and it will probably make him realize that he's the only one he wants you to be with. Not someone young and whole, or whatever all he says. So you go ahead, and I'll say something to him."

"All right, thanks so much Molly!" Tonks bounded away, happy, but also with a forbidding feeling in the pit of her stomach.

*/*/*

"Good for you Tonks! His name's Don. I'll set it up if you want." He winked, leaning back in the recliner of the living room.

She rolled her eyes. "Sirius I don't want to actually have a relationship with him, just for Remus to see us holding hands or something."

"Fine, but how is that going to work?" Sirius wanted to know.

She shrugged. "I don't know…Apparate to his house or something."

He winced. "Oh, one little thing I forgot…he's a Squib."

"What?" Tonks mouth dropped. "Well…I guess it's just one more thing he hasn't told me. Just like when I had to force him to tell me he was a werewolf." She turned away from Sirius.

"No…Tonk's it isn't like that….Don doesn't-"

The door to the living room opened at that moment. Lupin looked furious, and hurt. "Oh, hello Padfoot, hope I wasn't interrupting, friend." He glared at Tonks.

She had the decency to look ashamed, but Sirius stepped closer to Lupin. "No, _friend, _you didn't interrupt anything, we were just discussing how hurt my cousin here was when you rejected her for the 100th time."

Now Lupin looked ashamed, and Tonks was angry. "Yes, Remus, you know Sirius's is right, we're only having this discussion because of you!" She glared.

"No…Dora, you don't understand…" he trailed off at the look on her face.

"Yeah, maybe not, but don't bother explaining!" Fighting back the tears, Tonks left the room, slamming the door as hard as she could. _Yeah, _she thought bitterly, _I'm the one who doesn't understand. _

"Moony…" Sirius reached out a consoling arm, but Lupin shook his head, and sat down with his head in hands.

"She really thinks that hurting me will make me want to be with her," he muttered into his palms. "I was going to be with her…but never mind now."

"Remus, are you serious? She loves you!" Sirius protested, but Lupin just shook his head, saying no more. Getting the hint, Sirius left the room as well.

*/*/*

Tonks was curled up in a ball on her bed. She didn't get it. She thought that maybe a jealous Remus would help, but no such luck. There didn't even seem to be a jealous Remus, just a hurt one. She was so confused. So did he not want to be with her at all then? Did the kiss mean nothing? She pounded her pillow. Yeah, maybe she shouldn't have tried to make him jealous, or even discussed it, but if he had just accepted her, she wouldn't have needed to. Feeling broken, she stood up and looked through her bag. She would prove to him that he loved her, that he needed her. She just needed something to wear…

Lupin paced the floor of the kitchen, distractedly talking to other members of the Order on Christmas night. He was just muttering something incoherent to Kingsley when Molly walked up to him, wearing a festive red hat. "Remus, could I talk to you for a moment?" She motioned him towards the pantry.

He nodded. "Of course, Molly. Happy Christmas," he spoke cheerfully, but wondered what she could want.

"And you, dear. I was wondering…how are things with you and Tonks?" She had to tread carefully, but the two of them were meant to be together and she was going to help it along as best she could.

Lupin shook his head. "I don't think there is any me and Tonks," he said wearily. "I've got nothing for her, I'm too poor-"

"But she'll be a little richer with you."

"No, I'm too old-"

"Love makes you younger."

"I've nothing to offer-"

"Offer your heart." She smiled kindly at him, and at last Remus saw the truth. It didn't matter to her if he had anything, as long as he had his heart to give. He smiled in return and thanked her, leaving the pantry intending to find Tonks.

Just as he reentered the kitchen, Tonks came in from upstairs. Lupin almost ran into the table, and nearly knocked Mundungus Fletcher over he was so shocked.

Tonks had turned her hair to a dark brown for the holidays, pinned up in a bun with fun curls falling down. She had put on a carefree, holly-green dress that went down to the knees with a poofy skirt. With that, a paler green shawl was around her and red and green striped heels on her feet, she looked more beautiful than Lupin had ever seen her. Seeing Remus staring at her, she grinned and made her way toward him through the crowded kitchen. "Happy Christmas Mad-Eye, yes you too Kingsley…Hi Remus." She smiled at him.

He resisted the urge to kiss her. "Hello Dora. Happy Christmas."

"And you, Remus-

"I'm sorry" They spoke at the same time, and both their faces relaxed into smiles. A slow song by Celestina Warbeck came on the WWN, and Lupin looked down and Nymphadora with glowing eyes.

"Would you like to dance?"

She looked back at him the same way. "Only on the roof." He just laughed and swept her into his arms. Molly and Sirius looked on approvingly. For disagreeing on so many things, they seemed to be in one mind here.

Whispering something in her ear, Lupin made Tonks smile mischievously. A few minutes later they both exited the kitchen right after each other, laughing. At midnight, Mad-eye looked up to find Tonks. He quickly looked away. He'd give them some privacy.

*/*/*

Tonks woke up the next morning feeling happier then she'd felt in a long, long time. Dimly wondering why, she rolled over and saw the most handsome man in her world next to her. She smiled. Finally. Looking at Remus's watch she saw it was 12:30. She didn't even care. Looking up, she found Remus's gorgeous dark green eyes.

He smiled at her joyfully. "Good morning Dora…did that really happen?" He sounded so confused that she couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, I think it did." She kissed his cheek gently. He smiled widely.

"It's nice to wake up to you." He kissed her jaw line, and then her forehead and lips. She smiled and kissed him back.

"I love you." She whispered it softly into his ear.

"I love you too Dora." He smiled at her. They just lay there for a while looking into each other's eyes, until the clock read 1:05. Finally Remus reluctantly got out of bed, dressed, and slowly walked backwards towards the door. When he bumped into the door, he spoke. "I should probably go, shower…See you later." She waved, still smiling.

She'd had sex with Remus Lupin. She was with the man she loved. Finally! _Nymphadora Cassi Lupin, _she tested out in her head. _That doesn't sound too bad. _She sighed contentedly and was just getting out of bed, thinking she should probably shower too, when there was a knock on the door. Thinking it might be him again, she skipped happily to the door, knocking over a burnt out candle on the way.

She opened the door, and came face to face with someone who could only be Don Lupin. "Damn it, Sirius," she muttered under her breath.


	8. Chapter 8: Margaret

Don stumbled into the room, just like his brother had once upon a time. "Remus, you have to come home, now, Mum is-what?" His eyes, which Tonks noticed were just a shade lighter than Lupin's, finally focused on her.

"You're Don Lupin." She stared at him, barely taking in what he had said.

He looked surprised, than narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, I know. At least that's what my mother calls me…But how do you know that?"

"Well, I know Remus so…" She couldn't help but notice he had the same face shape and expressions as his brother.

A comprehending look came over Don. "You just know Remus, eh? Well?" He smiled. This must be someone special to his brother. As he examined her he couldn't help but notice that she was wearing Remus's 'Christmas shirt.'

Tonks didn't like the odd way he was looking at her. "Well we're friends. But why are you here?"

"Because of my mother; she's not…wait, isn't this Remus's room? And by the way who _are _you?"

Tonks smiled. "Whoever gave you directions was either wrong, or you weren't listening. I'm Tonks." She held out her hand.

Don took it, but behind his smile was a worried look. "Sirius told me he was on this floor, first door on the right…but it doesn't matter anyway, I just need to know where he is, do you know?"

"He's across the hall. What's wrong?"

He was pleasantly surprised by her concern. "I'll tell you when I find Remus, you can come with."

"I was planning on it." She followed him across the hall, feeling nervous.

Don knocked on the door. Remus came to it a moment later, his hair wet and tousled. When he saw Tonks, and then Don, he opened his mouth angrily, but Tonks beat him to it. "No, no, no, Remus I swear it's nothing like that. Something's wrong."

She looked apprehensively at Don, waiting for him to speak up. He did, but not saying what she had expected him to. At all. "Did you tell her about me?" He jerked his thumb in her general direction.

"You have got to be kidding me! Don, is whatever your little secret is that important right now?" Shaking her head, Tonks pushed past him so she was closer to Remus. "The real reason Don's here today is because something's happening at home. He came to my room because Sirius gave him the wrong directions…" She rolled her eyes. "But anyway, your mother is...hurt or ill or something…I don't know ask him."

He smiled at her then turned his attention to Don. "Hello Don, it's good to see you, we haven't talked for some time." The two shook hands. "And no I didn't tell her about you. But what's happened?" He had caught the worried expression in his brother's face.

"It's Mum. A few weeks ago, she tripped down the stairs. She was ok, but there was a bruise on her leg, and it wouldn't fade. I took her to the hospital…just to make sure she'd be ok but, Remus, the tests came back. She's got cancer." He looked away for a moment, then at Tonks. "Cancer is a-"

"My father's Muggle-born." She cut him off, looking at Remus, trying to see his reaction. He turned his face away quickly. "How bad is it?" She asked the question slowly, apprehensively, knowing by Don's face that the answer would only cause more pain.

"She's been given three weeks to live. What a great Christmas present, right Remus?" he spoke bitterly. "I'm sorry to do this, but I need you to help me take care of her. I wouldn't ask if Dad were here but…"

"He's not. I know. I'll come, of course. I'll be there in an hour, maybe a little longer." Lupin kept his face averted, then made to close the door, but both Tonks and Don stopped him.

"Wait, Remus-"

"No goodbye until then?" He turned and looked at them both for a long moment. Then he hugged his brother, and ushered Tonks into the room. As soon as the door was shut behind her, he collapsed on the edge of the bed, head in hands; body shaking with what Tonks knew was tears.

Tentatively, she sat down next to him, and then slowly placed a hand on his shoulder. He didn't say a word, just kept shaking. "Moony…" The word sounded strange to her. She'd never used his nickname before. "I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but is there maybe a way you could try and save her? That may be the only chance that-"

"I thought, no I knew that with the second war, that there would be losses; that I would lose somebody because the world has a way of doing that to me. But I never…ever thought I could lose another family member. I thought they were safe, protected." He spoke into his hands, his voice muffled. "And no, I couldn't. An attempt to save her by magic could be more dangerous than the ridiculous things they're probably doing right now."

She smiled wryly. "You know, they're not that bad. But I know some of their methods are pretty crazy. Like the stitches Arthur got…"

He raised his head from his hands slowly, a pained look etched into his face. But when he looked at her, he smiled slowly. "Arthur got worse after those…but thanks for trying to make me feel better."

She laughed, and the sound of it made him smile a little more. Taking this as a good sign, she moved closer to him. "Well, I guess you should probably pack. I'll go…" She made as if to stand up, but Remus grabbed her hand, sensing that she wanted to say more.

"You don't have to go. But what it is Dora? I know you well enough to know there's something else." He sat her down next to him.

She smiled briefly. "I don't know…I don't want to ask too much of you Remus, but…if you'll let me…I'd like to, um, well can I come with? I'd really like to meet Margaret."

He gave her a look that she would never ever forget. "You remember her name."

"Of course I do. How could I forget someone that's so close to you…I was hoping I could become close to her too."

She looked up at him, hoping that he got the long distance note in her sentence. She couldn't tell, because at that moment two things happened at once. He leaned forward to kiss her, and Sirius barged in with a loud bang as the door hit the wall. Lupin jumped and fell off the bed, Tonks jumped up, and immediately tripped over Remus, and then Sirius came over and fell purposely over both of them.

Laughing, Tonks struggled to get Sirius off her, but instead he just moved over a little so he was mostly on Remus. "Hey Moony, nice to see you. I'm just trying to cheer you up."

Tonks pushed herself off the ground, and gently kicked Sirius in the gut. He gave her a look. "Ow!"

She sighed. "Sirius, get off my boyfriend." Sirius did, but probably just because he was in shock. Lupin's expression mirrored his as Sirius helped him to his feet.

The word echoed in Remus's mind. _Boyfriend…Boyfriend…boyfriend! Wait what? _A wave of pure joy and shock swept over his sorrow for his mother.

Sirius was looking at Moony's shocked, yet happy face. He nudged him in the arm and winked at Tonks. "So,"

"Oh shut up Sirius. What're you doing in here anyway?"

He shrugged, as if it was obvious. "To check on Moony, what else?"

Tonks didn't answer, but turned around to go back to Lupin. "You better start packing if you want to be there in an hour."

He nodded. "And you too." Kissing her on the cheek, he got out a suitcase.

Sirius held up his hands indignantly. "Whoa. Whoa! WHOA! Why does she get to come? I thought I was your buddy…" He gave Remus the puppy-dog look.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Padfoot if you want to come I'm not stopping you."

Sirius looked cheerful for a fraction of a second, until Tonks shook her head. "Yeah, but I do. You can come later, Sirius." She gave Lupin the same pleading look Sirius had.

"What? No fair! Moony, you're a terrible best friend. I cannot believe you would give into her look, I mean I am SO much cuter."

Lupin managed to laugh, but then his thoughts turned back to his mother and he resumed packing. "Sirius, I'm sorry, but leave." He pointed toward the door. Looking like a lost dog, Sirius went slowly, dragging his feet. Tonks pushed him out and closed the door in his sad face. Remus shook his head, and then turned to Tonks. "Aren't you going to pack?"

She shrugged, coming up and hugging him. He smiled down at her. "I was hoping we could spend some time together, without my idiot cousin." She kissed his lips softly, and he put down his clothes so he could kiss her back, pulling her towards him. "It's going to be ok Remus, I swear," She whispered into his ear.

He nodded. "I know, because you're here."

*/*/*

After a quick lunch, Remus and Dora apparated together to a little country road, walking towards a small village. Tonks looked around the peaceful place. There was a field on one side of the road, a flowing creek on the other. She liked it. "Did you grow up here?" she asked her boyfriend, feeling glad that she was being taken into his past.

He nodded, walking quickly and looking harried, but she could see the pain in his eyes. She decided to keep talking. "Don mentioned your dad…what happened to him?"

Remus looked like he was choking on something. He took his time answering. "He was killed." He said shortly.

Tonks wasn't sure if she should press him, but curiosity took over. "How?"

He didn't answer. Hearing her say Don's name brought a discomforting thought to his mind. Don had a secure muggle job as a teacher in a boarding school near London. He could support Tonks. He was handsome enough, and he was also six years younger than Lupin. He was just right for her. _Don't think like that, _he reprimanded himself. But he couldn't help it. _Yes, _the other side of his brain said, _Of course my happiness won't last; why should it? As soon as…as soon as Mum's gone I'll lose it, and she can run off to him. It's for the best. _

Noticing his expression, Tonks stopped walking and stared at him till he made eye contact. "What's wrong?"

He blinked, looking at her without focusing. "I…" he let go of her hand, and started walking again, his head down, hiding the tears.

"Remus…" She walked quickly to catch up with him. Staring at him, she searched his eyes. "What happened?"

He was crying. He looked her in the face. "Why…why am I never happy? Tonks…I can't take it. You come along, and, and I love you more than anyone else. But now something gets taken away. Two things…my mother and you. I thought fate played a fair hand."

She couldn't believe his hopeless tone. "Don't talk like that, you can't. I'm not going anywhere Remus." She kissed him. "What were you thinking?"

"Don. I know that you say you wouldn't and I trust you now. But I'm losing myself Tonks. My father was killed by Greyback during the first war, protecting my mother and Don. My mother could be gone as soon as tomorrow, and then I'm alone. Don is safe…Greyback never saw him that night. You'll be so much better without me. What if next time it's you?"

"You will never be alone. And if it is me….wouldn't you protect me?"

He kissed her in answer. "I would do anything for you."

"Then say that nothing will come between us. Tell me that you love me. Say that you trust me, please! I would never run to Don just because you were broken. I would stay to help put you back together. Don will never ever be more than a friend to me." She stared into his deep green eyes, and saw in them his love for her.

"Nothing will ever come between us. I'm sorry, I do trust you but I'm scared. You're the only person I've loved that hasn't run away. I just keep expecting it to happen again. But you're special. Nymphadora Cassi Tonks, I love you." Their lips met, and for a moment he was at peace.

She whispered in his ear, "Don't call me Nymphadora."

He just smiled and shook his head. "It's a beautiful name; perfect for you." He took her hand in his, and they continued along the country road, talking softly.

"What's she like?"

"Quiet, like me, and I've been told I look more like her than my father."

"Just quiet? You're not that boring, Remus whatever you think."

He smiled. "Ok, well she loves children…whenever one of us brought a girl to meet them, muggle or witch, she'd tease us the whole visit about wanting grandchildren."

Tonks laughed a little sadly at that. "Don doesn't have any children does he?"

"No, he has a daughter. A sweet child named Rose."

"Hey! You thought I would go to a married man?"

He laughed at how offended she was. "No, no, no he's not married. She got pregnant when he was twenty-three. She was twenty."

"What happened to her?" Tonks asked softly.

"She did exactly the opposite of what I thought she would. When Don told her about his family, I thought she would run."

"Not everyone runs so fast just because they're scared." She shook her head at him.

"That's just it though. She didn't run. Marie was a witch."

"What?" Tonks was shocked. "Then what happened; why did she go?"

Remus grimaced. "Don's alone, a muggle in the midst of magic. Rose is a muggle too. He didn't want to her to grow up like he did. So he asked Marie to hide her powers from Rose. She didn't agree. She thought he meant only her, even though he'd asked us to do the same. She got angry with him, asking if he was scared because of her powers. He didn't know what to say. She thought it disgusted him, that he wasn't willing to accept all of who she was."

"But that isn't what he meant, is it?"

"No, and they made up the same night. But he still felt guilty. The next day, he came home with a dozen roses to a police officer on his doorstep. Marie was killed in a car accident ."

"No…" Tonks whispered. She felt terrible. "I feel so sorry for him and Rose, and you; were you close to her?"

He nodded. "She was my best friend. Pretty, with blue eyes and dark hair. Nothing on you of course." Tonks smiled bitterly. "But she had so much talent, she was a very bright witch. She was only twenty two. Rose doesn't remember; she was too young. Don has never smiled as bright since. He blamed himself."

"How could he possibly blame himself?" Tonks couldn't believe the self-sacrifice in his family.

Lupin turned and started to walk up the path towards a small blue house with a pleasant garden in front. "He just thinks maybe he shouldn't have brought it up that night, then maybe she wouldn't have been thinking about it, not that she was for sure, and she wouldn't have crashed."

Tonks nodded. "I guess I could understand that. But quick, give me something to talk about with Margaret."

He knocked on the door. "Dora, relax. She'll be so happy to meet you. Just say anything, you're a wonderful person to talk to, you'll think of something."

Tonks had noticed a car parked on the side of the house outside a garage and was about to ask whose it was when Don answered the door. _Oh yeah, _she thought. She'd forgotten that Don would be there.

"How is she?" Lupin stepped inside, and Dora followed, worried.

Don shrugged, leading them down the hall, past a staircase and into an open living room. "She's doing well, for what's happened to her. He went through a door into what Tonks thought must be the kitchen. "Tea?" he asked.

They both shook their heads. "I want to see her." Tonks nodded, stood up to follow Lupin when Don came into the living room.

"Should I come with?"

"No, I want her to see us alone." Lupin replied.

Don nodded. "I understand. Remus, you and Tonks' luggage is in the guest room."

"Ok. Thank you." He held out his hand to Tonks. She took it and they ascended the staircase.

Leading off the landing were five doors, three on the left, two on the right. Remus walked to the last one on the left and knocked gently, pain on his face once more.

"Come in!" Surprised at how strong her voice sounded, he turned the knob.

Margaret Ann Lupin was sitting up in a queen sized bed, her graying brown hair pulled back, looking out the window. She smiled at her oldest son as he closed the door. "Hello, Remus. It's good to see you. And who's this?" She smiled at Tonks too as she came around Lupin so Margaret could see her.

"I'm Tonks. It's really great to meet you." She stepped forward and shook Margaret's hand.

"Tonks…what an interesting name."

"Well it's my surname."

"Why do you go by it?"

"Well, my first name is possibly the worst ever given."

Margaret laughed a little at that. "What is it?"

"Nymphadora," Lupin replied for her, stepping forward to hug his mother.

She whispered in his ear. "And is she someone special?"

He didn't answer right away, but straightened up and then said, "Mum, Tonks is my…girlfriend." Only he heard the hesitation in his own voice when he spoke.

"Welcome to the family Tonks." Margaret winked.

"Mum, are you all right?" He studied her face worryingly.

"You know Remus, I am. Maybe this is it, the end of the road. But it could be that I have years left. So why lose hope?"

Tonks smiled. She liked that. "You're right Margaret. The end of your road shouldn't be decided by anybody except you."

Lupin smiled at his girlfriend. "I'm proud that you're thinking like that Mum. How bad is it?"

She waved off his question airily. "You know, a little this, a little that. I can't walk around much. My muscles are tense. But it's a lot more peaceful. I'm looking out the window, and thinking, Margaret, look at that, isn't it beautiful? I can appreciate it everything much more now that I realize it might not be there one day. Remus, please remember, you should always try to appreciate things as much as I am right now." She looked over at Tonks pointedly. "Do you know if Rose is with? Don didn't say…"

"Why? Do you like children Margaret?" Tonks couldn't help it, she wanted to get teased by Lupin's mother; it would make her feel like family.

Margaret's eyes twinkled. "I love them, so free and innocent. It makes me jealous of them. They're precious. Remus, have you and Tonks discussed anything? If I live nine months I'd really love another grandchild."

Tonks giggled as Remus looked embarrassed. "Mum, do you have to do it to every girl?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. Go away, you need to start on those grandchildren." She laughed, and Tonks laughed with her.

"Women…" Remus muttered. "I'll go ask Don if Rose is here…please don't come with."

Still laughing, the two of them watched him go.


	9. Chapter 9: Happy in One way

Lupin wished for the days to go slowly, but of course three weeks slipped past like water through cupped hands. He and Tonks went everywhere Margaret wanted to go with her. They explored sights of Europe, and when Margaret's naps became all too frequent, the two of them explored the small town, and Remus remembered all his adventures as a kid. Don and Rose stayed at the house, playing with her many toys and with Don trying to teach her how to add and write her name.

Margaret was content, just being with her close and personal family. Sirius stopped into visit, along with some of Don's closer friends. Even Marie's mother came by, but Don couldn't bring himself to face her. Everything was just fine with Margaret's life; until the morning of the 21st day.

"Should we go see?" Tonks asked Lupin as soon as they'd woken up.

Lupin shrugged. He didn't want to face the fact that if the doctors were right, he no longer had a mother. "I don't know…Do you think she may have pulled through?"

Tonks got out of bed and threw on a set of bright blue robes. "I'm sure she's all right. She seemed fine yesterday."

He nodded. "I just hope she's still fine." He got out of bed too, and after getting dressed, Tonks grabbed his hand and they went down the hall to her room.

Remus tried to knock, but his hand was shaking too badly so Tonks did it instead. The "Come in!" came, but it was so much weaker then the voice they'd heard last week. Feeling nervous, Tonks turned the handle.

"Good morning, Mar- what's wrong?"

Margaret was lying in bed with tears rolling down her face. Remus went to her and held her. "Mum, what is it?"

"It's over…I can't even get out o-of bed…I d-don't have the energy. Oh, Remus, I'm not ready, I don't want to die!"

The look on her face made Tonks start crying too. She felt so terrible for the strong woman who she had gotten to know so well. "Mum…I thought…you said you-'d be all r-right."

Margaret shook her head frantically. "How could anyone be ready for this?" She looked out the window into a truly spectacular sunrise. "To look out there and think that that could be the last time you're ever going to see this beautiful Earth?"

Tonks struggled to keep her voice steady. "But…Margaret, don't you believe in a heaven?" She nodded. "Well, I think…I think once you're up there, that this window will be there, and you can look out it any time you want, and you'll be able to watch R-Remus and Don…and R-Rose…" Tonks pressed a hand to her mouth. She couldn't keep talking. Remus took her hand tightly.

Margaret smiled weakly. "I suppose you're right. I think heaven can be whatever you want in to be. So I'll just have to hope it is…Happiness, being able to walk again…It sounds n-nice." She looked out the window again. Don came quickly into the room, holding Rose's hand. She had pretty brown curls and bright blue eyes. She looked up at Margaret, and then crawled up onto the bed with her.

"Grandma…Don't be scared. God told me last night when I was praying that you'll always be with me, even if I can't see. You'll get to be an angel." She smiled sweet as honey. Don gaped at his daughter.

Margaret stared at her beautiful little granddaughter. "Just remember then, sweetheart that I'll be there when you get older, for your graduation, and your wedding, and all your birthdays-"Rose held up seven fingers. "Yes, especially for your seventh birthday. Please just know that Grandma Meg will be watching." She hugged Rose as she nodded solemnly.

Don wiped tears from his eyes, and joined the hug, then lifted Rose up, and kissed her on the cheek. "Daddy loves you," he whispered.

Margaret looked around at her family. "I think…I'm ready now. Tonks, dear come here." Tonks let go of Remus's hand and leaned down to get her last hug from her would-be mother-in-law. "You're like a daughter to me. I shall be watching you and Remus, I promise. And remember me at your wedding." She winked softly. Tonks managed a small smile through her tears. Remus came forward and hugged his mother for what he knew would be the last time.

"I love you Mum. I always will." Then he stepped back, and gathered Tonks in his arms, trying with all his might not to think of what would come next.

Margaret turned her head, and closed her eyes. One by one, Don, Rose, Tonks, and Remus each left the room, none of them looking back. Slowly, Remus shut the door.

*/*/*

That night was a full moon. Remus ran out into the forest, feeling glad for the escape. He wanted to run away, and just for the night, forget it all; the hurt, the flashbacks to his father's funeral, the look on his mother's face when she realized that the road had come to a dead end. So he did. He just ran, until exhaustion swallowed him, and he fell asleep under the same tree his father's memorial stood at.

Tonks sat in the living room, staring at the fire place for a very long time. She didn't know what to think; what to feel. She had never lost anybody so close to her before, and suddenly here was this hole in her heart where Margaret should be. And that was how Remus felt constantly. How he must have felt when Marie died, when James and Lily died, when his father died…that stymied her. She couldn't imagine losing her father. He was one of the most important people in her world, someone she could share anything with. And Remus had already lost that. No wonder he was so guarded. She sighed. At least know she could understand; empathize. But then again, that was why they had each other. So they could face the dark parts of life together. And that was just it, is Remus knew that, but he also knew that he couldn't stand to lose anymore then he already had. That he was going to hold on to her as tight as he could, to keep her safe. And somehow, free-spirited that she was, she didn't mind at all. As long as he stayed protected too.

Making sure that Rose wasn't around, Tonks got out her wand and rekindled the fire. Then she cried again, remembering Margaret. Only when the kitchen door opened, and Remus stumbled in did she realize how late, or early, it was. He didn't say a word, just came and sat down beside her on the couch. He knew how hard it was to sleep when there are so many thoughts intertwined in your head. She looked up at him. She could only think of one thing to say. "Remus…I'm so sorry."

He just nodded. "I know. I love you."

She smiled and nodded. "I know."

Then they stared into the fire for a little while longer, until Rose and Don crept down the stairs quietly. But it wouldn't matter if they had been completely silent. "She's gone." And they came and sat down on the couch too, and watched a sunrise that Margaret would never see.

*/*/*

They spent the whole day downstairs, afraid of the non-existent ghosts. But maybe it was more the memories. Every time Remus went past the staircase, he remember when he'd fallen down them, (or when Don pushed him), and how Margaret had just kissed his cheek, and cured him with one spell. When he sat at the kitchen table, he remembered all those times during summer when she'd help him struggle through all the Transfiguration and History of Magic homework. When he went out for a walk, he passed the park that his whole family used to go to every Saturday for a picnic. After he came back in, he remembered when he'd accidentally sprayed her with the hose and she'd chased him around the whole yard, finally caught up with him, and then tickled him till he'd cried. He sat down on the front steps, trying not to feel, which as all humans know, is pretty impossible. Tonks came outside at about noon.

"Hi." She sat down next to him.

He sighed. He was happy to see her. But was that enough? To only be happy when he was with her? Where had the happiness gone? "Hello…Dora, I want to talk to you."

"Good. You've hardly said three words today."

"I know, and you know, that I love you. But-"

"No, Remus. Stop. There is no buts. You told me that you loved me and I love you, so what more are you looking for? Stop running away."

He shook his head. "But-"

"I know everything you're about to say! So don't bother. I know you're hurt right now, but don't pretend like I don't understand. Because I lost someone too. It's not just your pain. Other people feel exactly like you do right now. You can't always be alone. And happiness will come back. The world would be black if it didn't. So don't even bother."

She stood up to go back inside but he grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry. You're right, Dora. You always are…but that's just it. I am happy…in one way. I'm happy when I'm with you, and I'm happy when I'm teaching, and I'm happy when I can make people laugh. But in the long-run, I feel like I can't be happy completely, because there's always going to be another shot of pain. So I know you're going to say that I should stop looking ahead. But I can't."

She sighed. "Remus, I love you way too much. You're scared to lose me, I know. So if you feel like you need to, you can protect me. Be with me every moment. I wouldn't mind. I know why you do it. But I can promise you that you won't ever lose me…unless you keep going on about this."

He nodded…"Then I guess I've already lost. Because I can't stand to lose anything else. That's why I'm alone."

She stood up. "Then I don't even know what I'm doing here."

She disapparated.


	10. Chapter 10: Family

An owl flew in through the open window just as the sun was setting. It landed on the bed and started to peck the person in it persistently. "Ugh…Get off Buckbeak!" Sirius rolled over, but the owl just bit his finger. "Ow! Damn it Buck- oh." He grabbed the owl and took the letter off its leg, feeling apprehensive when he saw Lupin's name on the outside of the parchment. Shooing the bird away, he opened it slowly.

_Dear Padfoot,_

_My mum passed away this morning. I don't know what else to say. You are, of course, invited to the funeral. We haven't made plans for when it will be yet. _

_But I lost Tonks. I lost her too; she disapparated this morning right after…_

_Will you talk to her? I never know to say, you were always the one who had a way with the girls. _

_If you want to stop by, I'm still at the house._

_ Moony _

Sirius didn't know what to think. He just kept looking at the letter, and he didn't know what he could possibly to say to help his old friend. Moony had had a good family, people who cared about him. But all Sirius had ever had was a house filled with silver and green mania. He didn't know how Remus felt. But then he thought back to that Halloween, riding his motorcycle into the wreck, hoping, even though he knew what he would find. Thinking about that just made him hurt again. And then he realized what Lupin must be feeling.

Getting up, he decided he would go visit Andromeda first. Tonks was going to get a talking to, and then Remus would be getting a hug and a slap in the face for whatever he did to her. Sirius stalked down quickly to the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, grabbed some Floo Powder, and was just about to step into the flames when he noticed a pack of Red Vines sitting on the table. Looking closer, there was a note taped to them. 'Red Vines, what the hell can't they do? Ron' Shrugging, Sirius put the pack into his pocket. Worth a try right?

*/*/*

Tonks stomped through the front door of her house, slamming it behind her. Kicking off her shoes angrily, she was about to go upstairs when she heard someone coming. "Dora?" Ted Tonks came around the corner. Remembering Margaret, she sighed and turned around.

"Wotcher daddy." Ted smiled and hugged his only child.

"Where've you been lately? Your mum and I were worrying."

"Um…nowhere? Just doing things for, you know, work and the Order. It's been busy over at Sirius's."

He nodded, but still seemed suspicious. "Uh-uh. Nobody…else is keeping you busy?" He eyed her.

She shook her head vigorously. "Just Dumbledore and Scrimegour. Listen, Daddy I'd really just like to rest so…" She motioned towards the stairs.

"Of course, of course…sleep well, Dora." He smiled. "I love you."

She turned at the top of the stairs. "I love you too Dad." Then, still feeling upset, Tonks went into her room and fell onto the bed, and cried again. But this time she was crying over Lupin. And she didn't know what else to do. Eventually sleep called her name, but she dreamed about him…and….Sirius?

"Tonks! Hey, Tonks! Wake up!" Sirius shook his cousin. She slapped him.

"Go away! Sirius…why are you even here?" She looked at the clock. "It's almost midnight! Leave!"

"Aww come on. Andromeda let me in. I just finished a cup of tea with her; she says you haven't been around lately. Says you've been _busy._" He waggled his eyebrows.

"Whatever…You know full well I've been busy! And just with Margaret, nobody else! Nobody. Ever again." She turned away from him.

"Oh, so you heard about Moony's mum?"

"Of course I heard, you know I was there! What's your point? I don't want to talk about this." She got out of bed and moved toward the door, but Sirius blocked her path.

"Nu-uh! You're not leaving until you tell me what happened! Sit" He pointed to a chair in the corner of her bright yellow and black room.

She sighed. "What, are you interrogating me? You know what happened. Margaret…Margaret died. I don't know when there's going to be a funeral, and that's it. I came back home for some _peace _and _quiet_. Which I had until you got here." She sat down in the chair, ready for one of his stupid lectures, her wand in her hand so she could stun him if it got too boring.

"Ok, so that's it? No heartfelt goodbyes or any goodbyes at all?"

She narrowed her dark eyes at him. "No, there were three goodbyes. To Rose, to Don, and to Margaret. Remus was too preoccupied to say anything, so I just left." She set her jaw at the word 'preoccupied.'

Sirius just stared at her. "Yeah right. If I know Moony, and I do, I know that he messes up with girls more than the Chudley Cannons mess up at Quidditch. So just tell me, what did he do?"

"Good question, what did he tell you? I'd really like to hear his side of the story."

"There is no 'his side of the story.' He just asked me to talk to you, see what's wrong. So here I am."

"Unfortunately." She muttered under her breath.

"Yes, so sad isn't it? But you know I'm pretty sad about Margaret. I liked her too you know. She was a wonderful woman. Moony must have been pretty hurt."

"Yeah…" She let out a breath. "That's just the problem. He's always so caught up in his own hurt. I'm not saying he's selfish, but he's such a coward when it comes to love. He's the bravest man I know-"Sirius coughed. "Yes including you, but I mention the word 'forever', and he turns away, like he could never believe in anything even close to it."

"Mmm," Sirius had to think that over for a minute. "This isn't exactly an excuse but, maybe it's because in his life there never has been anything that has lasted forever, at least relationship-wise. His father died, so there goes his parent's marriage. His brother's wife died. James and Lily; gone within a year," His voice cracked a little bit. "And now his mother died, and where'd his family go? Now all he has left is Don, Me" He tapped his own chest, "and you." He pointed at her.

"But Sirius, you went through almost the exact same losses, and you're not going around moping about it. I don't understand it."

"Yeah, true…but I'm also insane. And I hated my family; the only people I cared about were him, you, 'Dromeda, and James and Lily. And hey, I've still got those first three, plus Harry. I look on the bright side of things, partly because I have better things to do, but still." He shrugged.

Tonks was still puzzled though. "Ok, but how am I supposed to make Remus see the bright side of things, especially when his mother just died?"

Sirius knew the answer, because he knew Moony was capable of the one thing he had never had time for. "Just tell him; 'you've still got me.' And that you still love him, and that he's not the only one who's lost something. He's got me, and you, Don, and Rose, and Harry. He's far from alone and he needs to stop thinking that. Promise him that you'll never leave him….well unless you're planning on it."

She smiled and shook her head. "Not anytime soon, anyway. Thank you Sirius. I'll tell you how it goes."

"Cool. Oh and hey, tell him that I send him my love and a slap to his face."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't have to slap him."

He nodded seriously. "No I know…I just want to." He laughed. Just as Tonks was about to turn to go back to Lupin, Sirius remembered. "Oh! You want some Red Vines?" He pulled them out of his pockets. She gave him an 'are you stupid' look.

"Wait, can I see those?" He handed them over. She looked at them for a moment, faking concentration then threw them at Sirius as hard as she could.

"What was that for?" He rubbed the side of his face. She shrugged.

"Just venting…Bye!" Then in a whirl of pink and blue, she was gone.

*/*/*

Remus hadn't moved from the front step since Tonks had left. He'd just closed his eyes and fallen asleep. He always seemed to mess up, just when it really mattered. Maybe he shouldn't be so determined to be alone. He loved Tonks, and he needed her.

At around eleven-thirty Don came outside and woke up his brother. "Hey, where's Tonks?"

Lupin shrugged. "I wish I knew," he said sincerely.

"Oh…" Don led him into the kitchen. "Tea? Coffee?"

"Tea…have you thought of things for-for the funeral yet?"

Don shook his head, passing Remus a cup of tea as he said down beside him at the table. "I'd rather not…it all seems so unreal. Like none of it should have happened. I should be able to go upstairs and talk to her."

Remus nodded. "I know exactly how you feel. It isn't right…How long are you planning to stay here? And what about the house?" He gestured around the room.

His brother shrugged. "I don't know, till the after the funeral, I guess. Whenever that is." He gave a sad little laugh. "But the house; wow. I don't want to leave it. Or have some strangers come start their lives in it. I think you should take it."

"Me? Why? You have a family. Rose needs a better place than the same small place that you lived in with Marie."

Don turned away. "That's why I'm keeping it. There has to be some way to keep her alive. And the same with Mum. You should do the same here for her."

Remus didn't know if he should or not. "I don't know, isn't this place kind of big for one person?"

"One person?" Don raised a brow. "I…sorry if this isn't what it is, but I sort of got the impression that it would be for two people. Tonks…"

"Yes, Tonks. If she ever comes back, after everything I've given her to doubt about me. And then there's my condition, how will she deal with that? I've had too many close calls."

"Remus, there's a forest two feet from the backyard. You'll be fine; it's always worked for you before. I'm sure Tonks would be happy here, it's a nice house. Maybe you could even start a family." He shrugged hopefully, but Remus shook his head. He wasn't going to think down that road.

"No. I can't risk it. I'm already putting Tonks in danger, being with her, but an innocent child that-"

"And innocent child, yes, your son or daughter. They wouldn't be contaminated. Tonks wouldn't care anyway if they were. And as your child, the kid would still love you no matter what."

"It doesn't matter, because I'm not taking the chance."

Don stood up. "See Remus, that's probably why she left, because your only problem is that you're too scared of your own love to take any chance at all."

Remus opened his mouth to fight back, but then his shoulders sagged. "You're right. We've already…I mean maybe she won't get pregnant, and then I won't have to ever worry about it."

"Do you want children?" Don studied his brother's face carefully. Remus loved to teach, and he was caring and gentle. He would make a great father.

"So much…" Remus nodded. "I would love children, and if it weren't for my cowardice, maybe I could have a family."

"Well, maybe Tonks will help you see past that." Don winked, and left the kitchen, laughing when he passed Tonks coming into the living room.

"Hello Don."

"Hi Tonks. For the record," He smiled. "I think you'll be a great sister-in-law, aunt, and mother."

She smiled for a moment, and then looked shocked. "Mother?" She stared at him. But he just went upstairs to check on Rose.

Hearing her voice, Remus went quickly into the living room. She stared at him. "…I'm sorry I left Remus, it's just-"

He cut her off. "No, don't be. You had every right to be angry with me. I was being unfair." He hugged her, and kissed her hair. "I love you Tonks."

"I love you too. And just so you know, you still have me." She kissed him, and then whispered in his hear. "You will always have me."

He smiled. "I finally figured that out."

She laughed. "Good. Remus…Mother?"

He just took her hand and led her up the stairs. "Maybe one day."


End file.
